I’m eternally grateful for my strong global network. They are my tribe, my people and we support each other through the highs and challenges of life. This tribe of diverse movers and shakers have a distinctive way of acting and behaving. They are Influencer’s in their field of expertise. They move and shift mindsets in their communities, corporations and across nations through communicating a collective vision, setting a clear purpose and they do everything with passion aligned to a set of values everyone buys into.
This week I had the opportunity to celebrate Matariki Māori new year in Aotearoa (New Zealand). Returning home and experiencing all the wonderful Matariki celebrations has been amazing and very grounding. As part of a Kai and Korero speaking series we started in April I had the opportunity to speak at a Matariki Dinner in Ranui, West Auckland. I’m always humbled to be asked to speak, share my journey, expertise and life’s work it’s an honor and privilege. The theme was Leadership Excellence from a local and global perspective in indigenous communities. It was great to speak alongside Arama Mataira a strong community developer in the education space who has worked with Aboriginal communities and schools for the last 20 years.
One of the biggest lessons I have learnt from my work in leadership and coaching is to shift mindsets for sustainable transformation you first need to build a safe and trusted environment. This is what the Ranui Action Project team have done in this community and food is a great connector of people. A big thanks to Simon Frost, resident chef at Cafe Korero and all the staff there who created an outstanding 7 course Matariki meal for our guests.
It is a common belief that it takes at least 21 days to shift a habit. While this may seem like a long process, the important thing to remember is that it only takes a second to decide to start to shift your mindset. Here are my 5 top tips on some habits you might recognise that are not serving you. And 5 actions to help you shift your thinking:
1. Trying to please everyone
Recognise: Selflessness is a virtue that is taught to most people as they come of age. It is the cornerstone of building a society that is compassionate toward all of its members. However, there are those who are selfless to a fault and ignore the harm they are doing to themselves. Attempting to appease everyone in your life will eventually grain you of your energy, time, and overall happiness. In today’s society there are a variety of outside influences that we must deal with—careers, family, friends, and community work. The list can seem endless.
Action: Understand that while your actions are important and valuable, you are only one person and by design, you are only capable of doing so much. Set boundaries on how much you allow others to take from you and take the time to make sure that you are meeting your needs first. Taking care of self first and foremost both physically and emotionally will allow you then to be fully present for others. Fill yourself up with relationships in your life that give back to you in an energising, uplifting way. Be mindful when relations leave you empty and feeling drained.
2. Fearing change
Recognise: During our childhood we grow up relying on routines such as bedtimes, meal times, school, and play times to offer a sense of stability. While routines help to provide discipline and purpose, they can often make us creates of habit; which can lead to us being fearful of anything that may disrupt that sense of stability. Change is difficult for most of us, as we tend to find comfort in the known and familiar; yet it is not just the disruption that scares us, but also the fear of failure. The desire to take up a new hobby, move to a different place, or start a new business can be hindered by the paralysing fear of failing.
Action: Keep in mind that failure is an import part of life, that the most important lessons are learned through this process. The fundamental part of life is change—our body, our minds, everything on this planet is subject to transformation. Without change there can be no progress, and what is life without it? Create safe changes in your life first. Give yourself permission to try a new restaurant for dinner, start a new hobby, sport or brand of clothing. Get comfortable with small changes in your life first and once you get comfortable you can start to create new possibilities in your life.
3. Living in the past
Recognise: “You don’t know where you’re going unless you know where you’ve been,” as truthful as this may be, we also need to know when to stop looking back and how to move forward. If you’re focusing on the past you aren’t living in the moment. Retrospection is necessary in order to understand lessons learnt, but what good does it do if you aren’t willing to use that knowledge to make better decisions in the present?
Action: Write out a list of goals you want to accomplish and start visualising your future. If you focus on your past you will stuck in it. The brain loves visual pictures of beautiful images that mean something to you. Choose places, people, imagery that make you feel positive emotions, as way to support you to work towards your goals.
4. Self-doubt
Recognise: Confidence is not something we are born with, it is acquired through our reactions to life experiences. What we think about ourselves is often a reflection of our personal thoughts regarding how we fit into the world around us. When you allow negative outside influences to shape the way you think, you are making yourself susceptible to self-doubt and fear.
Action: Remove as much of the negativity from your life as you can. Try to avoid any media that promotes impossible or unrealistic standards and seek out positive images wherever you can. Be mindful of your thoughts and focus on your best characteristics and make a positive effort to change the ones you don’t like. Surround yourself with friends who will support your goals and efforts, especially when times are challenging.
5. Overthinking
Recognise: Our ability to think is the basis of what makes us intelligent beings. Our ability to overthink is what makes us unhappy beings. Overthinking a situation or problem can lead to both emotional and physical stress. There comes a point when you are no longer trying to find a solution, but rather reliving the problem over and over again. It’s as if your brain is on an endless loop that has no beginning or end. This is not only counter-productive, but dangerous.
Action: When you find yourself thinking the same thoughts multiple times within a short span of time, stop, take a breath, and do something to distract yourself. Often times the more you try to avoid thinking of something the harder it is not to. Watching your favorite movie or changing your environment can help shift your thoughts and free your mind so that when you are ready, you can visit the problem with a fresh perspective.
If you are interested in learning more about our Kai and Korero series about collective leadership in your local community please drop us an email to info@rise2025.com we’d love to work with you to create an evening of beautiful kai (food), inspiring korero (conversation) at your local cafe or restaurant across Aotearoa.
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